Being Thankful

I sat down and researched the history of bondage photography with the intent of writing about its history and its impact on America’s sexual history and culture, but I kept getting distracted by thoughts of Thanksgiving.

Coolest. Mom. Ever.’s favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I take time off from work to spend an extra day with her, and we usually spend that time working side-by-side in the kitchen. I learned at an early age food is a form of love. It’s no wonder I am in a relationship with a partner who knocked down a wall to make the kitchen a more workable space and who bought a gorgeous range any chef would appreciate. I use that range every single day in living and well-established proof that “food is love.”

This brings me to my partner, Dutch, who is the stuff of internet dating legend. I am quite open about how it took me 32 first dates to find Dutch and that I almost gave up the search for what is now one of the best gifts I have ever been given. Dutch’s love is just as precious to me as the gift of my mother teaching me to read and then encouraging me to read anything and everything available.

Every day I am thankful for Dutch, for our relationship, for being able to come home to Dutch and for the amazing dates and adventures we have together. I recently pondered why our relationship has been so successful because it is the most successful of any relationship I’ve had up to this point. What makes Dutch and I’s relationship so different than my previous failed relationships?

The biggest factor is trust. We trust each other completely. Dutch knows I read, write and research all kinds of sexual topics. I talk to people about their sexual lives, thoughts and behaviors. Friends and strangers alike crack open their lives to me and share their innermost feelings and sexual experiences without hesitation. Dutch has never once asked me to explain a single conversation, email, tweet, social media post or text. It’s quite the opposite: Dutch gives me blog ideas gleaned from National Public Radio and social media posts.

Another factor is collaboration. Dutch and I work well together, so the need to compromise rarely comes up because we naturally adjust to meet one another’s needs. I am very grateful for this natural rhythm because it means we typically don’t argue or fight, which in turn gives us more joy in our days together.

Both of us being independent and free-thinking is a good quality in our relationship. We each do our own thing with the understanding we make regular time for one another. I attend networking and marketing events and have dinner out with the ladies without Dutch whining. In return, Dutch has weekly dinner plans and regularly planned time with close friends without me complaining. Although I must admit, I whine just a little when I cannot join Dutch’s group for breakfast when they go to my favorite place. Every now and again, they are good sports and invite me to breakfast with them, which I always enjoy.

Dutch and I have packed an incredible amount of fun and life into our time together. I think it helps that neither of us prescribes to life being counted in minutes, hours and days. I have always looked at life as moments and, with Dutch, my life is jam-packed with so many moments that I can barely keep track of them all. It’s like watching a movie reel spin out of film in our friend’s backyard movie cinema.

Some of the best moments Dutch and I have shared have been going to the ice cream parlor after working in the yard together on a hot summer day, exploring outdoor farmers’ markets here and in Amsterdam, welcoming home our new kitten, driving five hours for the best doughnut ever, shopping for flowers and plants, enjoying food truck fare at an outdoor music festival, laughing out loud in the grocery store at long lines and few checkers because it reminds us of a live comedian sketch about that very subject, wading into the North Sea on a chilly summer day and making homemade pizza with our friends before playing a boisterous game of Cards Against Humanity.

I often blend science and history into my blogs. Dutch is my personal history. This is the love I waited on for a very long time. I am thankful to have finally found Dutch’s love. I am thankful for the failed relationships as well because those “failures” taught me how to be a better communicator, how to not take others for granted and how to be an emotionally stronger person.

This month, please share your own histories with me and tell me what you are thankful for on Twitter: @yoursexylibrari.


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